BUSINESS PROSPECTS FOR MR. HEARST.

BUSINESS PROSPECTS FOR MR. HEARST.
489.7

If Willie Hearst were President (by some mischance infernal),
The whole United States would be an annex to his Journal.

The Daily Jolt would scream with him in scarehead type untidy,
He’d make a war on Saturday (and print the news on Friday.

His social deeds would be described in language loud but sloppy;
He’d look upon his Cabinet as advertising copy.

He’d send an army to Peru to fight for annexation
Or reconstruct the Senate to increase his circulation.

From Organized Society he’d kick away the pillar,
If thereby he could get the news to make a Sunday Thriller.

He’d set his Cabinet to work, by means beneath suspicion,
To look up prize fight scandal for his sporting Tenth Edition

And engineers, like Mr. Shonts, for national protection,
He’d put to drawing diagrams to fill the Comic Section.
-Wallace Irwin.