Spelling Reform at Pumpin Hallow

Spelling Reform at Pumpin Hallow.
133.1

Parson Graham called a meetin which was held last Wednesday night
For the purpose of decidin’ how to spell our language right.
Everybody in the hollow for the past three weeks or so
Had been turrably excited; some said yes and others no
When the question of adoptin’ Teddy’s list was spoke about,
So we thought we’d have a me meetin for to thrash the matter out. !

The little old red schoolhouse never was so jammed before;
There was not a seat left vacant-it was crowded to the door.
And the argument was opened when Jeff Catherwell declared
That the w in wrabbit might be profit- ably spared;
Orville Henderson objected, seconded by Abner Page,
Who allowed we’d got that letter as a sacred heritage.
Well, they argued and got angry; then Joe Pritchard rd argued, too,
Claimin’ Jeff was right about it, and the next thing that we knew
Half the people of the township stood up howlin’ pro or con,
Some for loppin’ off that letter, some for havin’ it left on,
And Sim Watson wildly pleadin’ for a chance to say a word,
Bein’ that he thought we never ought to drop the u from burd.

For a while the parson pounded and yelled “Order,” but at last
He sot down and let ’em go it, and just then the lie was passed;
Henry Munger says Tom Lewis should be forced to bare the blame,
But no matter who ’twas done it, it was awful, just the same;
First I seen was Abner Page’s legs a-wavin’ in the air
And Joe Pritchard’s nose all bloody and his eyes in bad repair.

In the racket and the rumpus it was hard for quite a spell
To make out just what transpired, but I seen Jeff Catherwell
As he pulled Fred Eaton’s whiskers by the handful from his face
And in wild abandon fling ’em every- where about the place.
Desks were broke and benches bust- ed; teeth were scattered on the floor,
And the crush was something awful at the windows and the door.

“Tain’t no use, I s’pose, to tell you how the meetin’ ended up;
Pumpkin Hollow’s still a-puttin’ three old-fashioned ps in pupp;
When it comes to spellin’ wrabbit we still spell it the old way:
What would answer for our fathers ought to do for us today,
And I think our people mostly now agree with Abner Page,
That we’ve got no right to monkey with our sacred heritage.
-S. E. Kiser