A Leap-Year Plunge.

A Leap-Year Plunge.
394.5

Oh, a dreary life it are
To be a fascinatin’ tar
And live on land in leap-year when the willin’ maids is wooin’;
And it drives me half insane
When I thinks o’ Mary Jane
And the way that I rejected of ‘er billin’ and ‘er cooin’.

‘Twas larb’rd hard a-lee
That she made ‘er eyes at me.
(And, oh, them eyes was squinty and ‘er hair a carrot red, And ‘er chin was rather double, And ‘er nose was built fer trouble, Which same I often noticed and which same I often said!)

And when she looked at me
I was timid as could be,
Fer plainly she revealed ‘er matrimonial intent;
And when I heard ‘er feet
Still persuin’ down the stree,
I yelled: “Policeman, please protect a
lone, unmarried gent!”

“Oh, won’t ye marry me?”
One day she says, says she.
“Oh, that I really couldn’t do,” I answers ‘er protestin’;
“Because, ye see, yer face,
Though perfect in its place,
Ain’t what the world calls ‘beautiful,” but rather interestin”!”

“But say not so,” says she,
“Fer I’m goin’ to marry ye.”
I took the boat fer Denmark. She was waitin’ when I got there.
Then I struck through Russia inland,
Went to Poland, then to Finland,
But almost every station Mary Jane serenely sot there.

Next I jumped an ocean liner
And took a trip to Chinar,
But useless was me journey-Mary Jane was on the dock.
And when I skipped to Spain,
Lo! there sot me Mary Jane
Still smilin’ ‘er seraphic smile, enough to stop a clock.

But when I struck Gibraltar,
Then she led me to the altar.
Me funds was quite exhausted, but me bride was fresh and joshin’.
So we’re livin’, her and me,
In a cottage by the sea,
Quite comf table and happy:
Mary Jane she takes in washin’.
-Wallace Irwin.