Business Prospects For Mr Hearst

BUSINESS PROSPECTS FOR MR HEARST
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If Willie Hearst were President (by some mischance infernal),
The whole United States would be an annex to his Journal

The Daily Jolt would scream with him in scarehead type untidy,
He’d make a war on Saturday (and print the news on Friday

His social deeds would be described in language loud but sloppy;
He’d look upon his Cabinet as advertising copy

He’d send an army to Peru to fight for annexation
Or reconstruct the Senate to increase his circulation

From Organized Society he’d kick away the pillar,
If thereby he could get the news to make a Sunday Thriller

He’d set his Cabinet to work, by means beneath suspicion,
To look up prize fight scandal for his sporting Tenth Edition

And engineers, like Mr Shonts, for national protection,
He’d put to drawing diagrams to fill the Comic Section
-Wallace Irwin