EATIN FOR PREMIUMS.

EATIN FOR PREMIUMS.
287.6

There’s lots more cookin’ at our house than what there used to be,
‘Cause now we know ’bout premiums, an’ arn ’em, don’t you see?
There ain’t no meat an teters, an’ there ain’t no beans an’ peas,
For mother says that premiums don’t ever come with these,
She bakes great lors uv biscuits out uv “Patent Feather-Light.”
An’ we eat all kinds uv cereyuls from mornin’ unt!! night;
Why, we almost died frum eatin’ fer some sliver napkin rings,
‘Cause we knowed it wuz our duty fer to help to git the things.

‘Twas only jes this mornin’ that I heard my father say.
“I wonder what in thunder we air catin’ fer today.”
An’ It kind o’ riled iny mother an’ she answered sharp an’ quick,
“You air eatin’ now. Joslar, fer a sil ver candlestick.”
Sez he. “I want some bacon with a streak uv leau an’ fat.”
“But,” sez she, “you foolish critter, premiums never come that; with that;
You jest wait an see your table. ’twill king’s. be furnished like
Ef you eat all you air ablo fer to help For to git the things.”

Now father sets at table with a frown upon his facu,
An’ glares at mother savage like while she’s a-sayin’ grace,
An when we got to laughin’ an’ did it right out loud,
Because she said the premium list when all our bowed. heads were
Father he never smiled at with an awful frown all, but
He said that he wuz eatin’ fer a gold- en harp an crown,
‘Cause he lowed we’d soon be angels with Patent Feather wings,
Havin’ died from overeatin’ fer them pesky silver things.
– -Clarico W. Riley