DIFFICULTIES.

DIFFICULTIES.
James J. Montague
262.5

I know a fellow who has built a ship to sail the air,
In which he hopes to fiit about like swallows, here and there,
And look with cold contempt upon us crawling things below;
The only trouble with it is, it can’t be made to go.

I know a manager who’s got a drama of today-
A very entertining and successful sort of play..
Embracing every feature of an all-the-season show:
The only trouble with it is, it can’t be made to go.

I know a senile Senator, a mild and harmless gent,
Who siis supinely in his seat in languorous content;
But, like the faithful Old Dog Tray we sang of long ago,
The only trouble with him is-he can’t be made to go.

Have you a song in your heart struggling for pub- licity?
Then write it. Get it out of your system before mortification sets in.
Select as your theme some inci- dent of everyday life.
Here is our own latest success, which you may cut out and use for a pattern:

I.

I seen a couple talking on a morning cold and raw.
The woman wasn’t happy, that was plainly to be saw.
The husband said, “Excuse me, dear, I fear I shall be late,
I must be working at the stora a little after cight.
Now go and do the washing, dear-our wash is very light,
And have some dinner ready for your honcy boy to-night.”.
The woman tossed her head a bit, as she was standing there,
And then this declaration she loudly did declare:

CHORUS:

“I will not do the washing, my sweet, my love, my life!
You can’t hand no such lemon to your loving little wife.
Much as I worship you, dear Hank, your work is pretty ra10,
So rustle up a servant or I’ll beat it back to Maw!”

II.

The cruel husband heard her, but he only shook his head.
Then Ethyl started crying till her eyes were awful red.
Sobbing, she got the washboard out and soon began to rub,
But killed herself at twelve o’clock by leaping in the tul.
Upon the door she pinned a note, “Good-by, my darling Hank,
I whispered to the soapsuds that I loved you, ere I sank.
Have mother pin a rose on me, and if again you wed
Remember that I loved you, even when I coldly said:

CHORUS:

“I will not do the washing.” etc.